It Was Just a Guideline, Anyways
by wondergirlcassie
Summary: "Lets' try not to burn the place down," Akashi said casually, leaning back in the kitchen chair and casting a critical eye on the shogi board in front of him. Aomine rolled his eyes while Kise laughed. "I don't think we're that bad, Akashicchi, we'll have this ready in no time!" (or the one where things happen and Kagami can't really bring himself to care all that much.)


_**A/N:**_ _this is actually based off a true story (for reals x) but not quite to this extreme ;) um, this is un-betated and a bit ooc (I think?) and I love these guys so much and I hope you enjoy~! Be a dear and let me know what you think! ^^ (quick side note, the title is inspired off of Pirates :D) also Costco is a wholesale warehouse store, and (from what I remember) they usually sell these giant teddy bears around Christmas time. They can be almost 5 ft they're awesome x)_

 _disclaimer: I don't own anything :3_

 _leave a review, mate!_

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It Was Just a Guideline, Anyways.

"Tell me again why that idiot doesn't have a gas barbeque?"

Akashi closed his eyes briefly and not for the first time mourned his fate with being stuck with six idiots for the week. The Generation of Miracles had returned with Kagami to America for a brief vacation (all with various amounts of excitement and dread) because the red-head had promised to visit his family during that time.

It'd just so happened that Kise had an interview with a model agency planned just under an hour away, and in the end all seven of them had somehow boarded the plane heading towards Los Angles.

Again, Akashi wasn't too sure what had possessed him to agree to this. (But he'd always had a soft spot for Tetsuya and Ryouta, and after all their quiet persistence and begging he'd eventually caved)

Half of them were now at Kagami's place, trying to prepare dinner without ruining it and the house. It was a decent place, modest furnishing and a spacious kitchen which was currently a bloody disaster. Kise couldn't cook to save his life. It baffled all of them present as to why the only one out of the entire group who could actually cook (Kagami) had gone to finish up some shopping with Kuroko and Murasakibara instead of preparing the food.

"We already covered this, Aominecchi," Kise waved his spatula around like a wand, small flecks of dough flying through the air, giving the navy-blued haired teen an annoyed look. Leave it to the model to wear an orange colored apron with the words 'MAMA BEAR' and make it look like it belonged on the fashion runway. "Kagamicchi prefers coal-grilled meat." He frowned and paused for a second. "I think."

Midorima scoffed as he pushed his glasses up further on his nose, pausing from where he was chopping vegetables. "That meat is going to burn if you don't take care of it, Aomine."

"I know that!" Aomine huffed, but quickly went to take care of the meat on the grill before they were turned to a crisp.

"Lets' try not to burn the place down," Akashi said casually, leaning back in the kitchen chair and casting a critical eye on the shogi board in front of him.

Aomine rolled his eyes while Kise laughed. "I don't think we're _that_ bad, Akashicchi, we'll have this ready in no time!"

|x|

"Kagamicchi!" Kise shouted into the receiver right after the red-head picked up, "the house is on fire!"

There was a pause and the only thing Kise heard was Aomine and Midorima screaming, Akashi talking (totally calmly) on the phone with the fire department and acute sound of the barbeque being consumed by flames.

There was the sound of packages shuffling and Kuroko saying something before Kagami spoke.

" _What?_ "

"Um," Kise bit his lip, suddenly feeling very sorry for both Kagami and the police man talking to Akashi (because Akashi was twirling a pair of scissors around his index finger. "And I assume you enjoy seeing out of two eyes as well, hmm?" Akashi asked sweetly, cradling the phone between his ear and shoulder.) "Your house is on fire?"

" _Is that a question or a sate- wait, my house is on fire?"_ Kagami's yelp could then be heard quite clearly and Kise got the impression that he was palm-facing and cursing his luck at having met any of them in the first place.

"Um, yes?" Kise smiled hesitantly, wincing as something crashed. Probably one of Kagami's nice vases.

Thank God Akashi was super rich.

" _So what about this one?_ " Kuroko's voice and some rustling could be heard on the line.

" _It's the wrong brand, the ones I'm looking for are further down the aisle, I think_." Kagami's muted response came through.

"Kagamicchi!" Kise tried again, waving away Aomine who had abandoned trying to put out the flames and was trying to take the phone out of Kise's hands.

" _Oi, where'd the giant go_?" Kagami asked.

" _Murasakibara went to the candy aisle, Kagami-kun_."

Kagami groaned. " _I knew taking him with us would be a waste_."

"Oi, Bakagami!" Aomine yelled, stumbling a bit as Kise ducked underneath him, keeping the phone out of his grasp.

"You two idiots get over here and help me!" Midorima called, trying to keep the flames under control. Kise heard him mutter something about Oha Asa and luck.

" _Okay, Kise, Ahomine_ ," Kagami raised his voice, " _deal with it, I'm at Costco. Call me when Akashi tries to take someone's eye out with scissors or something. Let's go, Kuroko._ "

"Wait, Kagamicchi-!" Kise cried desperately but the line went dead.

Aomine and Kise stared at the phone in the blonde's hand, then looked at each other.

"Well…" Kise said slowly. The continued to ignore Midorima's frantic yelling and Akashi's evil aura emanating from behind the counter as continued speaking perfectly at ease on the phone. Kise made a mental note to put the scissors somewhere he wouldn't be able to reach.

Aomine shrugged and slung an arm around Kise's shoulders, grinning.

"Oi, Midorima!" Aomine yelled. "You should probably check on the meant, something smells burnt!"

Midorima's colorful curses were drowned out by the barbecue exploding.

 _ **-Omake-**_

"No." Kagami said, his voice sounding strained. He had to be strong. He could do this. Kagami risked a look behind him and cracked.

"Alright, fine! But just this one!"

Kuroko's smile was simply angelic as struggled to move the giant teddy bear that was taller than him. "Thank you, Kagami-kun."

"Yeah, whatever." Kagami mumbled, waving off the thanks.

"At least this way we'll have something to keep warm with if we have to spend the night outside since your house burned down." Murasakibara's lazy drawl made Kagami want to bang his head into a wall.

He shot Kuroko a half-hearted glare at the few tufts of teal hair sticking up from behind the giant teddy bear.

"I hate all of you."

 _Fin_


End file.
